dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
