I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
