my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
