smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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