My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
