I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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