there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
