btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
