my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I only lived at night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
