Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
