Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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