i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
