i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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