Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
