wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
