you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
