so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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