ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
