he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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