her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
