You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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