perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
