Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
