it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Terrible idea I love it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
