fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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