So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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