Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
