You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
