We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's never too late to be topless.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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