Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
