Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
