Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Small penises have feelings too.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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