oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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