need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
