"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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