M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
