I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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