I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
pop tarts are not kleenex
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
