so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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