i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
