I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
