the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
