I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's get the cat blown out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
