So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
please don't ironically join a cult
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