zippers are such a cool invention
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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