I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
