I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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