just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
