thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
