Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
