So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
