i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
