The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
