i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
