The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
