It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
