I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
