So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
