And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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