so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
