we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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