Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize