It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
