blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize