what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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