I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
