i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
