Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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