So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
