I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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