My sheets look like a crime scene.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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