Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
