____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
